


It Was Love

by anachronicwriting



Category: SHINee
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 08:20:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anachronicwriting/pseuds/anachronicwriting
Summary: Maybe it's that he's had too much time to himself this last few days, but he is missing him in a way he hasn't in years.
Relationships: Kim Kibum | Key/Lee Taemin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	It Was Love

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by 2 Kids
> 
> Uhm, I didn't spellcheck this so it might have mistakes, I'll probably come back and fix it later.

He is up on his feet, and shrugging on his jacket before he has time to really think about it; seeking the odd kind of comfort that walking around the empty streets of a city that is not his own provides. However, the thoughts that dragged him out of bed refuse to quiet down.

He keeps thinking about him.

Maybe it's that he's had too much time to himself this last few days, but he is missing him in a way he hasn't in years.

Suddenly, he can almost hear his voice as he crosses an intersection.

He would scold him for doing this. Going out alone.

Perhaps it was the old, clear umbrella that fell out of the closet when he pulled out his big suitcase for this trip that brought this on.  
The soft patter of the rain, the low hum of cars driving by, the gray tinge of the sky as the sun starts to rise, just adding to his mood.

Or the fact that his latest relationship had ended in a way that was uncomfortably similar to their breakup.

Maybe it's just this city, that screams of him.

And maybe he feels lonely in the same kind of way he didn't want to admit to when they broke up.

_"Tae, I think this isn't working out."_

Kibum's voice echoes ghostly in his mind.

He wouldn't look at him then, all the anger drained out of his voice, replaced by what he can only now describe as resignation.

Words that he shouldn't remember this clearly anymore keep coming back to him. 

They had been arguing, over what, he can't remember now. Just that it was yet another, in a long string of them.

And yet, he couldn't fight back when Kibum said that, not when Kibum had seemed so tired.

_"Maybe you are right."_

After all, he was tired of fighting too.

He should have seen it coming, after all they had been at each other's throats for weeks.

He had thought they were so mature, ending things so calmly.

Why had he given up so fast?

_Drops of rain fall sparsely around them._

_"I don't want to lose you." Kibum's voice is small._

Was he regretting it? Giving Taemin an out?

Taemin didn't want to lose him either. But he didn't say it.

_"It's not like we have to stop being friends." Shock, or an obstinate desire to appear unaffected, making his tone flat, almost emotionless._

He isn't sure if that meant the same. If Kibum understood what he really meant.

How much Taemin didn't want to let go.

_"Right." Kibum says, his voice uncharacteristically uncertain. "I guess- I'll see you later."_

_He refuses to look at Kibum as he fiddles with the umbrella in his hand._

_"Yeah." He doesn't know how his voice sounds so normal when his heart is pounding, his hands shaking slightly. "See you later." He says as he turns around still refusing to look at him._

_He steps into the dim rainy street, and walks away without looking back.  
Any sound Kibum might have made, drowned by the pounding in Taemin's ears and the fall of the rain growing louder by the second._

He stops walking for a moment his eyes focused on the water running down the street. The coloured reflection of traffic lights making the scene look almost like an impressionist painting, a momentary distraction as it moves and changes.

The moment passes, and he moves on, just as his thoughts circle back to him.

He has been cooped up in that hotel room for too long.

Maybe he had expected Kibum to stop him.

What would he have seen, had he turned around that day instead of walking off.

If he'd only told him how he felt, said it out loud.  
He had been so certain Kibum understood how he felt, maybe he had been wrong.

But he had just kept trying to convincce himself he hadn't cared all that much.

He'd been so unsteady back then.

At the time he was somewhat dissatisfied with his job as a backup dancer, a few years out of high school and unsure if he wanted to pursue something else.

They were so different in that regard. Kibum had been certain of what he wanted to do, even to the point of knowing what company he wanted to work for after he graduated college.

Maybe that was it. Taemin was drifting, and Kibum just kept moving with direction, with a purpose.

A direction Taemin couldn't, or didn't want to follow him on.

Perhaps it had been too much, perhaps he had spread himself thin.

Something had to give, and Kibum gave him an out.  
He shouldn't have resented him for it, but he had.

For the longest time he'd blamed it all on Kibum. After all, he was the one who was good at talking things through.  
They could have worked it out, if they had tried.

But the both of them were too stubborn, too caught up in themselves.

Military service had seemed like the most natural thing to do afterwards.  
If that meant meant he got to stay away from Kibum for a long period of time, he doesn't want to admit to it even now.

After all of that though, they ended up working for the same company. 

Proximity made them grow close again, in a different way.

Like their paths were so securely intertwined that no matter how far they stray in diferent directions, they will find each other, again and again.

He chuckles to himself at the oddly romantic thought as he kicks a shallow puddle in the walkway, water spraying in front of him.

Kibum had told him he loved him out loud, not a lot, but often enough.  
He showed that he cared as well.  
Taemin can't say that he ever did the same, not in anyway that mattered.

He was too young to really appreciate it.

Yet there is something to the way he felt being with Kibum that he keeps looking for in every relationship he's been in ever since.

He still hasn't found it, he is not sure how to even define it.

He used to think it was because of how young they were, how new everything was. But maybe there was more to it.

There had to be.

Maybe it is in how well they know each other, how similar they are in some ways.

How easy it is for him to relax around Kibum.  
When things were good, they were great.

But they fought a lot, he reminds himself. So much so, that looking back, it all seems to merge into an amorphous blob of silly spats they both regretted getting into.  
And every petty fight, Taemin let fester instead of apologizing out loud, even when he knew he was at fault. 

Kibum never apologized out loud either.

Such a silly thing to do looking back.

Maybe it was always meant to crash and burn. After all there is just so far silent apologies can take you.

And maybe he just misses Kibum. After all he hasn't seen him much in the past few months.

The long flight back to Korea doesn't help him move past the same thoughts, circling back and forth.

Maybe meeting Kibum again will put him at ease.

And if he texts him on his ride home from the airport, it's just because he would forget otherwise.

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I'm sorry. I just have been too tired to write all that much in the last year, and~ I lost all the progress I had made on the 007!au back in September, because I am an idiot.
> 
> Literally been trying to publish something since March of last year, and honestly I'm not really happy with anything I've been writing.
> 
> Can't really tell when I will have the next chapter for 007!au but I'm working on it.
> 
> Anyway, it's been a while since I did an MV inspired thing, but I really liked this song, I just wish I wasn't such a slow writer -3-


End file.
